Happy Birthday, Sage

Dear Sage,

When you emerged and entered the world 11 years ago today, my heart opened wide, and I experienced a love so pure, instant, and deep.

During our 11 years together, you have taught me more about purpose, intention, awareness, intuition, patience, and acceptance than I have known in all of my 50 years.

You instantly created a pink glittered world, filled with magic, swirly dresses, tea parties, everyday celebrations, ritual, and fairy dust.

Through our adventures together, I have gained a clearer understanding of my inner child and also how I continue to become who I am.

You have taught me when to hold strong and when when to let go.

You have taught me to always have an open mind, heart, and arms.

You have taught me the true meaning of listening to my inner voice.

Today, I celebrate you and the beauty you have brought to my world.

I admire your strong sense of of your self, your unique style and individuality,  your compassion and acceptance of others, and your positive approach to all that surrounds you.  You radiate joy each and every day.

Happy Birthday, my sweet 11 year old daughter.

My wish for you is to always be surrounded by kind, loving, supportive, and considerate friends all the days of your life.

To have quite moments where you can just be.

To always know how to find your way home.

And, when you look in the mirror, I wish for you to always see a confident, beautiful, creative, inspiring being who is always worthy and deserving of genuine love, pure beauty, greatness, and to be centered in truth and peace. 

  May of all your dreams be your realities.

I love you with my whole being.

Love Aways,

Mom

missing you

August, 1990

You would have been 76 years old today.  

There have been so many times during the past 19 years when

I have felt you watch over me and smile from that peaceful place where your spirit roams.  

There have been so many times when I have wanted you to continue to see the loving life Josh and I have created together.

There have been so many times when I have wanted you to kiss your beautiful grand daughter and know the abundance of joy she has brought to my life. 

There have been so many times when

 I've missed hearing your encouraging words.

There have been so many times when

 I've missed you being the first to call and wish me "happy birthday".

There have been so many times when 

I think how grateful I am to have grown up knowing what unconditional love is.  

There have been so many times when 

you've told me, "You can be and do anything you want to."

There have been so many times when

 I've  known how very proud of me you are … 

Dad, I love you and miss you so much!

Love, Eydie

Crazy Hat Day

  My daughter and I recently watched and drooled over the tiny hat video that the amazingly creative, humorous, and generous, 
Julie Fei-Fan Belzer recently shared.  

And what perfect timing ... tomorrow is "Crazy Hat Day" at my daughter's school.  So, out came the felt, glue, flowers, and embellishments. ,,, And, here it is!

When they ask, "where did you get that awesome and unique hat?   My daughter can answer,  "It's my creation, I made it."  I can already feel the satisfaction and excitement skip in her heart.

Don't you just love crazy hat day!

New beginnings

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end."  -Seneca 

As snow melts to earth

a tulip pokes its head high

above to be seen.

seeds of intention

~ Garden Goddess ~ Esalen, Big Sur

Spring peeks around the corner,

shining her abundance

of color, song, and possibilities,

as she gently reminds us

to plant our dreams, desires, and wishes.

 I came across this beautiful video, Your Dreams are Important,

 created by the amazing, Andrea Schoeder,  

and just had to share it with you.  

One of the abundant gardens at Esalen in Big Sur

So take a deep breathe

and plant a handful of seeds.

Water, nurture, and sprinkle them with patience, trust, and courage,

enabling them to bloom into

 what you want to be, do, and have in your life.

 It's time for you to live your life full of possibilities and abundance.

  What are your seeds of intention?

You are where you are suppose to BE

"Some things you're not letting happen right now because the timing isn't perfect for you. Some you're not letting happen because you are very aware of where you are. But all things, as they are happening, are happening in perfect order. And if you will relax and begin saying, "Everything in its perfect time. Everything is unfolding. And I'm enjoying where I am now, in relationship to where I'm going. Content where I am, and eager for more," that is the perfect vibrational stance."

--- Abraham

Do you  find yourself focusing more on the outcome than on the process of getting  from here to there?  Perhaps some opportunities have come your way that you  really wanted, yet, you were not really ready for?  Do you spend your time focusing more into the future so that you miss out on what's happening in the present?

Trust that every thing is perfect NOW.  You are exactly where you are suppose to be ~ NOW.  You are perfect ~ NOW.  Every thing is just as it is suppose to be.  The Universe works for us in mysterious ways ~ always knowing what is right for us ~ Here and Now.

How are you allowing yourself to be here ~ Now?

We all create

My daughter's Principal recently shared this beautiful story by Alexis Rotella in the school newsletter.  It warmed my heart.  I know you will love it!

One of  my favorite paintings my Daughter created in the first grade

PURPLE

By Alexis Rotella

In first grade, Mrs. Lohr said my purple teepee wasn’t realistic enough, That purple was no color for a tent, That my drawing wasn’t good enough to hang with the others.

I walked back to my seat Counting the swish swish swishes of my baggy corduroy trousers. With a black crayon. Nightfall came to my purple tent in the middle of an afternoon.

In second grade, Mr. Barta said draw anything, He didn’t care what. I left my paper blank And when he came around to my desk my heart beat like a tom-tom. He touched my head and in a soft voice said “The snowfall. How clean and white, and beautiful.”


What are you inspired to create today?

Love

Mailbox in the children's Gazebo at Esalen in Big Sur

Happy Valentine's Day

Today, we do special things for the ones we love.  We hide poems under pillows or in lunch boxes.  We bake, buy chocolates and make special baths for them.  We paint their nails red, pick beautiful flowers for them, or make a delicious meal.  Today, we give more of ourselves.

This love filled day is  a perfect one to for Self Love/Self nurturing?

What are you going to do today to nurture yourself?

tears

They came unexpectedly,

pouring out from me as I made breakfast this morning. 

Were these tears releasing  all the would haves… 

could haves… should haves… the what ifs? 

Were these tears unraveling all of the neatly wrapped, tightly tied,

and boxed up fears and doubts 

that have been stored away all these years?  

Could these be the tears of wanting to change decisions that were made, or to have a second chance at the ones that were not.

These tears brought a sense of awareness, and release.  

A ray of light within my soul.  

A lightness within my being.

soul restoration

I had been wanting to take some time off.  To regroup, to reflect, to move forward, to create, to unwind, to catch up. to be still.  Yes, I got part of what I asked for.  Yet, I did not ask for the flu to hit me without warning, so hard that all I could do was sleep.  I did not ask for Josh to have pneumonia so that we were both lost in time, together.

It's been 2 weeks and I am feeling more and more like myself.   Even though I lost some time along the way, I am so grateful for having my energy and motivation back in my body.

I'm finally catching up with the soul restoration ecourse.  In this space of restoration, I am reflecting, creating, restoring, rewriting, and discovering more and more of my truths. Here is where I am able to move forward.  to let go, and just be.  I can reflect without judgment of myself and others.  I can reflect without blame.  Here I can be honest and whole.  I am restoring my soul.

Visit here to learn more about the Brave Girl Camp and the Soul Restoration course.

Registration is open for the spring and summer courses.  It could change your life.

my word for 2011

As I began the first several days of the new year, I found myself scattered in all different directions.  Some of the time I was tying up loose ends, while other times I was starting new projects, new tasks, and new lists.  Whatever I found myself doing, time just seemed to escape from me.

I  attempted to write this blog several times, yet I found myself spiraling from the tornado effects of all this scattered energy.

Now, I find my stillness and I release my word for 2011

FOCUS

And this is what it means to me.

To have direction… to define…to make clear…to stay on task…to be decisive…to be conscious…to be deliberate…to concentrate…to shine the light…

It means for me to be my own compass. To know which path to take, when to continue on that path, and when to get off.  To be conscious of what I give my attention to, knowing that what I focus on, I will attract.  Today, my path is made clear to me as I walk in the direction of my dreams.

Happy 2011

As you imagine, visualize, and verbalize your story in the New Year, embellish it with all the glitter and trimmings that you want to bring into your life.  You are so powerful and so are your beliefs.  Your beliefs create your words, which eventually becomes your story. You have the ability to rewrite your story at any time so that you can live the life of your dreams.

A belief is merely a thought that we continue to think.  A belief can be changed at any time.  Begin a practice, or ritual to define, acknowledge, and create your beliefs and send them out into the Universe as your intentions.


Whether you choose meditation, the power of the pen, or creating vision boards, now is the time to create the story that you want to be telling.  To be living.  So, make it big, beautiful, bold, fearless, abundant, and filled with joy, laugher, and love.  Be brave.  Imagine, create, and visualize the life you want to live.  Spread your wings and start telling your new story and begin living it today.

Peace, Love and light to you and yours in the New Year.

XOXO

Eydie

What are you attracting?

You will notice that those who speak most of prosperity, have it. Those who speak most of health, have it. Those who speak most of sickness, have it. Those who speak most of poverty, have it. It is Law. It can be no other way... The way you feel is your point of attraction, and so, the Law of Attraction is most understood when you see yourself as a magnet getting more and more of the way you feel. When you feel lonely, you attract more loneliness. When you feel poor, you attract more poverty. When you feel sick, you attract more sickness. When you feel unhappy, you attract more unhappiness. When you feel healthy and vital and alive and prosperous—you attract more of all of those things.

Excerpted from "The Law of Attraction, The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham" #649

What no one told me about adoption

Behind Sage are Bubbie and Papa, and surrounding is Kim and her family

No one told me that I would instantly fall in love and bond with my daughter.

No one told me that I would be the one to hold our birth mother’s shaking legs, stoke her hair, rub her shoulders and back, and tell her how strong she is, while my daughter was making her grand entrance into this world.

No one told me that I would be the first to see the top of my daughter’s fuzzy head,~~ and, with the next push~~ I would be amazed that the squished up thing on the side of her face was her ear~~ and, when she fully emerged, I would be the first to hold her.

No one told me that I would be the one to stay in the hospital nursery to feed her, change her diapers, hold and protect her, and tell her how much I love her.

No one told me how important it would be for me to have her birth mother hold her and be with her in the hospital during the first 2 days of her life.

No one told me that I would bring a selection of baby of clothes to the hospital so that my daughter’s Birthmother could choose what our daughter would wear home from the hospital.

No one told me how much joy my husband and I would feel, and at the same time how much concern I would have in my heart for our birthmother, the afternoon we all left the hospital to go to our separate homes.

No one told me how I would cry when I knew our birthmother was signing the “Surrender papers”.

No one told me how much I would want to call her to see how she was doing.

No one told me that Kim would be Sage’s first babysitter and how comfortable I would be with that.

No one told me how appreciative I would be when we finish a conversation on the phone and Kim says, “tell Sage I love her”. By the way, this has been going on for ten years.

No one told me how important it would be for me to honor Kim on “Birth Mother’s Day, which is always the day before Mother’s Day.

No one told me how we would genuinely and naturally grow to love Kim, her parents, grandparents, and siblings.

No one told me how important is would be for me to have a birthday celebration with Kim and her family each and every year of Sage’s life. (and invite them to dance recitals, and theater performances, too).

No one told me how natural our open adoption would be for my daughter… She knows that I am her forever mom… the one who takes care of her each and every day… the one who’s heart she grew in for a very long time. She also knows, that she grew in, and come from Kim’s belly, and that because of Kim, we are a family.

No one told me how some people could never truly understand … and how others believe it is the most incredible gift for a child to be loved by so many.

This is dedicated to all the strong, loving and brave birthmothers.  Please visit http://www.blessings-inabasket.blogspot.com/

i am enough

When I first stared at the words, “I AM ENOUGH”, I saw three words that when woven together in this sequence, were very overwhelming for me. “I am enough” illustrates a sense of wholeness, confidence, self-love, contentment, success, and acceptance. “I am enough” is what we all aspire to be.

As I continued to stare at these words, the letters began to dance around in my head like scrabble tiles as they assembled the question that I ask myself all too often, “AM I ENOUGH”? This question magnified the doubt, lack, disappointment, intimidation, and every other feeling of inadequacies I have known.?

As I took a deep breath and exhaled these feelings, I yearned to surrender to my authentic voice so that I could empower my pen to write this piece.

During this process, the first voice I heard within me was the child who mumbled the bits and pieces from her memories of wanting to please others… of trying so hard to be a “good girl“… waiting for approval …being the older sibling who should ”know better,” …and being told when and how to feel.

Next, I heard the rebellious teen as she slammed the door behind her. Remnants of “you don’t follow directions… you don’t pay attention… and you don’t apply your self in school” still echoed in her head. So, she just went along and applied herself in other places. Some good… some not so good.

Both the child and the teen spent many days and nights in the strawberry pink and lime green bedroom flipping through and examining every teeny bopper, seventeen, cosmo, and all of the other glossy filled magazines of the “how tos” and “do nots” of how she should live her life. Even with all the expert advice, she wanted so much to believe that she too could have less break-outs and clearer skin, shinier hair with less split ends, less bloating and lighter periods, get invited to more parties, get better grades, be more popular in school, and capture the heart of that really cute and cool guy. She wanted so much to be one of those pretty, slim, perfect, social and happy girls who existed in those magazines. But, the reality was, she could never be one of those girls. She just wasn’t enough to live up to the impossible and unrealistic portrait of what others have painted for her.

Today, when I hear that voice, am I enough? I ask myself, “whose voice is talking to me? Who is making me feel afraid…lonely,,,small? Is it my voice? My parents? Teachers? The voice of the media?

And as I evolve, the story that was created for me also evolves. Some of it true, and some still not so true … and at some point I realized that most of the beliefs I carry are not mine. They have been passed on to me. Today, I know I can rewrite my story by simply releasing outdated and self-limiting patterns and beliefs, so that I can continue to move towards my greatness, my light, my authentic self.

It’s when we shift our negative beliefs into positive ones; we can swim out of the shallow, mucky, waters and navigate past the waves, and go deep into the clear sparkles of our authenticity. And as we become more of who we are, we can propel past our fears and take action. We can excavate ourselves out from being stuck in the observer mode and into the role of an active participant …we are able to free ourselves so that we can be more of our self.

And as I continue to release myself from judgment, fear, doubt, and distractions, and into self-love and acceptance, I bring more joy, more love and more light into the essence of my being.

And here are the beliefs I embrace today...

*The best way to feel good about myself is to complete something that I have been avoiding and putting off.

*Words are powerful ~~ When I eliminate the should haves, would haves, and could haves, I stay strong in my power of NOW

*Every compliment deserves a “THANK YOU”. A compliment is too precious to be minimized. It must be owned.

*That perfect haircut will not change my life, and lipstick will not complete me.

*Being authentic is knowing how to say “YES” when I want to and “NO” when I mean to.

*Everything may not be completed, and some things may never get started. Life is an ongoing process. And, I continue to strive to be at peace with that.

*I can look within myself for messages, guidance, direction, and answers, and I know that at anytime I can “rewrite” my story.

And, as I look at myself in the mirror today, I mean, really look at my self, not at the flaws, or the things that need to be plucked or fixed, I see my lips move and I hear the words as they reflect back to me…

I am enough.

This piece was written for a collaborative entitled, "I am enough", and appeared on Tracey Clark's blog.

the crack

it started as a small hairline crack, barely noticeable. only she knew it was there.

as the years moved on, her foundation shifted in different directions, allowing her to become more grounded.

the stuff that was kept inside, hidden deep, could no longer stay buried. it found its way up to the surface and emerged.

eventually, nothing could be kept inside…

and on one glorious day she just cracked wide open.

beginnings

Have you ever delayed doing something that you really wanted to do?

Whether it was waiting for the perfect pause to speak your truth, anticipating the precise moment to be the first to say, “I'm sorry", quitting a job, writing a book, learning a new craft, clearing the clutter, or establishing healthier habits, we all have that “something" we want to do, to start, or to finish.

One thing that has been sitting on the top of "my “really wanting to do” list, is starting this blog. I talked about it, wrote for it, and visualized it. So, why have I waited so long to start?

Sometimes we wait to do the things that we really want to do out of fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of not being heard or seen as we want to be. Or, as Marianne Williamson eloquently writes,

“ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?...And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same."

So, what are you waiting to do, start or complete?. Shine your light and set it free.