Saturday, December 4, 2010

What no one told me about adoption

Behind Sage are Bubbie and Papa, and surrounding is Kim and her family

No one told me that I would instantly fall in love and bond with my daughter.

No one told me that I would be the one to hold our birth mother’s shaking legs, stoke her hair, rub her shoulders and back, and tell her how strong she is, while my daughter was making her grand entrance into this world.

No one told me that I would be the first to see the top of my daughter’s fuzzy head,~~ and, with the next push~~ I would be amazed that the squished up thing on the side of her face was her ear~~ and, when she fully emerged, I would be the first to hold her.

No one told me that I would be the one to stay in the hospital nursery to feed her, change her diapers, hold and protect her, and tell her how much I love her.

No one told me how important it would be for me to have her birth mother hold her and be with her in the hospital during the first 2 days of her life.

No one told me that I would bring a selection of baby of clothes to the hospital so that my daughter’s Birthmother could choose what our daughter would wear home from the hospital.

No one told me how much joy my husband and I would feel, and at the same time how much concern I would have in my heart for our birthmother, the afternoon we all left the hospital to go to our separate homes.

No one told me how I would cry when I knew our birthmother was signing the “Surrender papers”.

No one told me how much I would want to call her to see how she was doing.
No one told me that Kim would be Sage’s first babysitter and how comfortable I would be with that.

No one told me how appreciative I would be when we finish a conversation on the phone and Kim says, “tell Sage I love her”. By the way, this has been going on for ten years.

No one told me how important it would be for me to honor Kim on “Birth Mother’s Day, which is always the day before Mother’s Day.

No one told me how we would genuinely and naturally grow to love Kim, her parents, grandparents, and siblings.

No one told me how important is would be for me to have a birthday celebration with Kim and her family each and every year of Sage’s life. (and invite them to dance recitals, and theater performances, too).

No one told me how natural our open adoption would be for my daughter… She knows that I am her forever mom… the one who takes care of her each and every day… the one who’s heart she grew in for a very long time. She also knows, that she grew in, and come from Kim’s belly, and that because of Kim, we are a family.

No one told me how some people could never truly understand … and how others believe it is the most incredible gift for a child to be loved by so many.

This is dedicated to all the strong, loving and brave birthmothers.  Please visit


  1. Eydie,
    Thank you so much for your touching dedication! We love you and appreciate all your support! We love our adoptive mothers...they truly are angles!

  2. Thank You, Eydie!

    This is a wonderful & truthfully inspiring dedication!
    I am a birth-mother, who has recently been allowed to become a part of my daughters life & her adoptive Family. I can now open my heart to accept what was previously painful & experience unconditional love as a true friend & Family member!
    It was definitely the hardest decision I've ever made, & yet, it was right, true & blessed in the outcome.
    Some say "selfish", some say "self-less" each her own experience. Mine was traumatic, but I have since known more love than I had believed possible.
    Thank you again, for expressing what some of us have a hard time with.

  3. I am here sobbing in my living room. This is beyond beautiful and so so very brave of all of you.

    Thank you for so beautifully opening my heart this morning...the love is rushing in.

  4. Thank you so much for this poem. When I received your noted,I wondered how you found me. Now I am thinking it was Blessings in a Basket. My sister is an adoptive Mother and my niece is a Birth Mom in an open adoption, so this poem touches my heart.

    Congrats on the beautiful girl. I am sure she is a wonderful blessing.

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  6. Dear Eydie
    My heart is once again deeply touched by your beautiful story of how you became a mother!!
    Love, Yvonne


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