Friday, December 10, 2010

What are you attracting?

You will notice that those who speak most of prosperity, have it. Those who speak most of health, have it. Those who speak most of sickness, have it. Those who speak most of poverty, have it. It is Law. It can be no other way... The way you feel is your point of attraction, and so, the Law of Attraction is most understood when you see yourself as a magnet getting more and more of the way you feel. When you feel lonely, you attract more loneliness. When you feel poor, you attract more poverty. When you feel sick, you attract more sickness. When you feel unhappy, you attract more unhappiness. When you feel healthy and vital and alive and prosperous—you attract more of all of those things.

Excerpted from "The Law of Attraction, The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham" #649

Saturday, December 4, 2010

What no one told me about adoption

Behind Sage are Bubbie and Papa, and surrounding is Kim and her family

No one told me that I would instantly fall in love and bond with my daughter.

No one told me that I would be the one to hold our birth mother’s shaking legs, stoke her hair, rub her shoulders and back, and tell her how strong she is, while my daughter was making her grand entrance into this world.

No one told me that I would be the first to see the top of my daughter’s fuzzy head,~~ and, with the next push~~ I would be amazed that the squished up thing on the side of her face was her ear~~ and, when she fully emerged, I would be the first to hold her.

No one told me that I would be the one to stay in the hospital nursery to feed her, change her diapers, hold and protect her, and tell her how much I love her.

No one told me how important it would be for me to have her birth mother hold her and be with her in the hospital during the first 2 days of her life.

No one told me that I would bring a selection of baby of clothes to the hospital so that my daughter’s Birthmother could choose what our daughter would wear home from the hospital.

No one told me how much joy my husband and I would feel, and at the same time how much concern I would have in my heart for our birthmother, the afternoon we all left the hospital to go to our separate homes.

No one told me how I would cry when I knew our birthmother was signing the “Surrender papers”.

No one told me how much I would want to call her to see how she was doing.
No one told me that Kim would be Sage’s first babysitter and how comfortable I would be with that.

No one told me how appreciative I would be when we finish a conversation on the phone and Kim says, “tell Sage I love her”. By the way, this has been going on for ten years.

No one told me how important it would be for me to honor Kim on “Birth Mother’s Day, which is always the day before Mother’s Day.

No one told me how we would genuinely and naturally grow to love Kim, her parents, grandparents, and siblings.

No one told me how important is would be for me to have a birthday celebration with Kim and her family each and every year of Sage’s life. (and invite them to dance recitals, and theater performances, too).

No one told me how natural our open adoption would be for my daughter… She knows that I am her forever mom… the one who takes care of her each and every day… the one who’s heart she grew in for a very long time. She also knows, that she grew in, and come from Kim’s belly, and that because of Kim, we are a family.

No one told me how some people could never truly understand … and how others believe it is the most incredible gift for a child to be loved by so many.

This is dedicated to all the strong, loving and brave birthmothers.  Please visit

Saturday, November 20, 2010

i am enough

When I first stared at the words, “I AM ENOUGH”, I saw three words that when woven together in this sequence, were very overwhelming for me. “I am enough” illustrates a sense of wholeness, confidence, self-love, contentment, success, and acceptance. “I am enough” is what we all aspire to be.
As I continued to stare at these words, the letters began to dance around in my head like scrabble tiles as they assembled the question that I ask myself all too often, “AM I ENOUGH”? This question magnified the doubt, lack, disappointment, intimidation, and every other feeling of inadequacies I have known.?
As I took a deep breath and exhaled these feelings, I yearned to surrender to my authentic voice so that I could empower my pen to write this piece.
During this process, the first voice I heard within me was the child who mumbled the bits and pieces from her memories of wanting to please others… of trying so hard to be a “good girl“… waiting for approval …being the older sibling who should ”know better,” …and being told when and how to feel.
Next, I heard the rebellious teen as she slammed the door behind her. Remnants of “you don’t follow directions… you don’t pay attention… and you don’t apply your self in school” still echoed in her head. So, she just went along and applied herself in other places. Some good… some not so good.
Both the child and the teen spent many days and nights in the strawberry pink and lime green bedroom flipping through and examining every teeny bopper, seventeen, cosmo, and all of the other glossy filled magazines of the “how tos” and “do nots” of how she should live her life. Even with all the expert advice, she wanted so much to believe that she too could have less break-outs and clearer skin, shinier hair with less split ends, less bloating and lighter periods, get invited to more parties, get better grades, be more popular in school, and capture the heart of that really cute and cool guy. She wanted so much to be one of those pretty, slim, perfect, social and happy girls who existed in those magazines. But, the reality was, she could never be one of those girls. She just wasn’t enough to live up to the impossible and unrealistic portrait of what others have painted for her.
Today, when I hear that voice, am I enough? I ask myself, “whose voice is talking to me? Who is making me feel afraid…lonely,,,small? Is it my voice? My parents? Teachers? The voice of the media?
And as I evolve, the story that was created for me also evolves. Some of it true, and some still not so true … and at some point I realized that most of the beliefs I carry are not mine. They have been passed on to me. Today, I know I can rewrite my story by simply releasing outdated and self-limiting patterns and beliefs, so that I can continue to move towards my greatness, my light, my authentic self.
It’s when we shift our negative beliefs into positive ones; we can swim out of the shallow, mucky, waters and navigate past the waves, and go deep into the clear sparkles of our authenticity. And as we become more of who we are, we can propel past our fears and take action. We can excavate ourselves out from being stuck in the observer mode and into the role of an active participant …we are able to free ourselves so that we can be more of our self.
And as I continue to release myself from judgment, fear, doubt, and distractions, and into self-love and acceptance, I bring more joy, more love and more light into the essence of my being.
And here are the beliefs I embrace today...
*The best way to feel good about myself is to complete something that I have been avoiding and putting off.
*Words are powerful ~~ When I eliminate the should haves, would haves, and could haves, I stay strong in my power of NOW
*Every compliment deserves a “THANK YOU”. A compliment is too precious to be minimized. It must be owned.
*That perfect haircut will not change my life, and lipstick will not complete me.
*Being authentic is knowing how to say “YES” when I want to and “NO” when I mean to.
*Everything may not be completed, and some things may never get started. Life is an ongoing process. And, I continue to strive to be at peace with that.
*I can look within myself for messages, guidance, direction, and answers, and I know that at anytime I can “rewrite” my story.
And, as I look at myself in the mirror today, I mean, really look at my self, not at the flaws, or the things that need to be plucked or fixed, I see my lips move and I hear the words as they reflect back to me…
I am enough.

This piece was written for a collaborative entitled, "I am enough", and appeared on Tracey Clark's blog.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

the crack

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it started as a small hairline crack, barely noticeable. only she knew it was there.

as the years moved on, her foundation shifted in different directions, allowing her to become more grounded.

the stuff that was kept inside, hidden deep, could no longer stay buried. it found its way up to the surface and emerged.

eventually, nothing could be kept inside…

and on one glorious day she just cracked wide open.

Monday, October 25, 2010


Have you ever delayed doing something that you really wanted to do?

Whether it was waiting for the perfect pause to speak your truth, anticipating the precise moment to be the first to say, “I'm sorry", quitting a job, writing a book, learning a new craft, clearing the clutter, or establishing healthier habits, we all have that “something" we want to do, to start, or to finish.

One thing that has been sitting on the top of "my “really wanting to do” list, is starting this blog. I talked about it, wrote for it, and visualized it. So, why have I waited so long to start?

Sometimes we wait to do the things that we really want to do out of fear. Fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of not being heard or seen as we want to be. Or, as Marianne Williamson eloquently writes,

“ Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?...And as we let our light shine, we unconsciously give other people the permission to do the same."

So, what are you waiting to do, start or complete?. Shine your light and set it free.