Monday, October 17, 2011

It’s all about the hair ... or is it?

Javier Aranda hair and make-up design

There is so much I can share with you today.  I can write about my recent wheat elimination, the workshops I am facilitating, the amazing people I am attracting into my life, and all the creativity that’s blooming around here.  Instead, I chose to write about my daughter’s recent haircut.

She knew exactly what she wanted.  She had the picture in her hand to show the hairdresser (not the one shown here) and was already feeling just how amazing her new “look” was going to be.  

Instead, there were tears, stomping, text messages to friends (asking for sympathy), and more tears.

We’ve all been there, especially us gals.  Our hair is so much a part of our identity; it’s an extension of who we are and how we want to be seen. Some of us choose to show our authenticity by revealing our shades of grey, while others embellish with colors of the rainbow, tinsel, extensions, and feathers to show who we really are (or want to be).

So, back to my daughter’s tears, the agony she put my husband and me though over the weekend, and her disappointment of having to go to school today with the bangs she does not want.  The bangs that she did want are the ones that hang over to one side and cover one eye.  The truth is, her bangs looks nice.  Actually, I think they look great (when she leaves them alone).  They are not botched up, cut too short or uneven.  She got a good haircut.   

The real issue is, they are not what she visualized for herself.
For my daughter, the issue is all about the bangs.  It’s about her identity.  It’s about how she wants to be seen. 

For me, the issue has very little to do with her bangs.  For me, it’s all about her feelings.  Am I giving her enough space to feel what she needs to feel?  Do I stop telling her how great they look and empathize more?  I know I’ve been present for her.  I’ve listened to her, cuddled with her, and blown and flat ironed the bangs out several times over the weekend.  So, how much time do I allow her to grieve before I tell her to SNAP OUT OF IT?   Really ...  I’m almost there.

The one thing that I do know for sure is that I am glad I resisted putting the “for a special occasion hostess treat” in her lunch box, to help make her feel better, today.  I know she will feel better in her own sweet time.  Hopefully, it will be before the bangs fully grow out.


  1. Eydie, you are such a beautiful mom--how lucky your daughter is to have you there gently holding the sweetness of her.

    In her own's always in our own time, isn't it?

    Sending you & your daughter love today,


  2. Hi Eydie, Oh my goodness...I was in the same situation with my daughter this week only it was about her losing her job.
    I KNOW that in the end my daughter will find herself in a much better place (her boss was a relentless bully)and all will be right again with the world. But...I had to let her fall apart, rant, rave, snap, pop, spin, spit... You get the idea.
    I'm still gentle with her when trying to point out the positive until she is ready to identify with the positive rather than the negative.
    LOL!! Girls can be as prickly as porcupines...
    "Let me give you a hug."
    "Ma!!! Stop!!!"
    Hahahaha! You have a lovely place here Eydie. I'm going to have to snoop around.

  3. Hi Eydie, it's funny you should say this, my youngest daughter cut her own fringe (bangs) last week. She did it while her hair was wet so you can imagine what a disaster it was. It ended up so short, went really curly and looks a bit like a quiff some days! I told her it'll grow out and she seems ok with that knowledge now. I've made bad mistakes with my hair too, mistakes never to be repeated!
    Thanks so much for your lovely comment about my colours, it makes me so happy that my paintings touched you in that way :)
    Jess xx

  4. i always will grow back....and how lucky we are that that's the case.
    i don't know how old she is, but if she's in high school, looks are everything and how she feels is based on how she feels other perceive her....
    she'll get over this soon enough....and then it will something else. it's what comes with the territory when you're a girl/woman.

  5. oh do I ever emphathize
    with daughter-agony.
    oh the drama!
    So much drama:)
    I think now is when you just smile sweetly
    and assure her that life is good
    for you...that you are okay
    even in her suffering
    because you know she'll enjoy telling the story
    someday. Tell her it's a story thing....that
    life is full of terrible moments that become
    our best stories
    and that you're confident that she'll be glad
    she's got this one.
    It will give her hope, in some strange way,
    ...just that you're not freaked out about it.
    I don't get how that works,
    but it always eventually does with my grown girl:)
    Somehow our confidence and peace
    gives them courage, I guess.
    Enough for the hope.
    That'd be my call.
    (big hugs, mom...this stuff isn't easy)

  6. Oh the really can affect the way you feel. A good cut makes me feel 10 years younger! I am sorry you have an unhappy daughter, but at least it is not a major life issue. In hindsight she will understand that too. I have two grown daughters and we often reminisce about those days.

    PS My word verification is prityr...phonetically that is prettier, just for your daughter! :)

  7. In this article is one of my fotos - did I see your daughter? Javier


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