Sunday, May 1, 2011

The gift of another year

My husband gave me this beautiful journal, a year ago today, on my 50th birthday.

When I read the first several pages that were filled with his words, my jaw almost dropped to the floor when I came to the part about his plan to fly me out to Esalen in Big Sur; to attend a workshop, bathe in the hot tubs, eat amazing food, be one with nature, and to reconnect with myself. 

As I read deeper into the journal, becoming more and more touched by my husband’s words, I found a card that he inserted in the journal.

Me and my brother, Pripo, at  Esalen, 2010

It was from my brother (who I adore), explaining that he will be joining me (my husband was to stay home to take care of our daughter) on this amazing adventure.  My heart opened even wider to all the love I was receiving.  What a perfect gift my husband and brother had planned for me as I began to journey into my 50s.

I was exploding with love and anticipation.  I had been to Easlen years ago, when my brother lived there, so I know of the magic and possibilities that grow from the experience of being there.  My excitement elevated and took flight as I continued to read the details. 

View from our workshop

When I found out it was a writing workshop, I was surprised to feel butterflies in my stomach, resistance in my throat, and uncertainty in my head.

It’s my dream to write … to be a writer.  I have so much to write about.

But, the truth is, it scares me.  It’s not so much about exposing my feelings, emotions, dreams, lists, or even my past. For me, the vulnerability, self-doubt and judgment, lack of courage, and apprehension, come not so much from the words on the page, but more so, from what’s in between the words.  

You see, I have an uncertain relationship with commas and semicolons and all those other little dents, dings and slashes on the page.  They can send me into a panic, stiffening and paralyzing my fingers, and tangling my thoughts like spaghetti being twirled up onto a fork.

It’s been a year since my adventure at Easlen (which was amazing). The experience gave me confidence, confirmed my dreams, and  opened up possibilities for me. Since then, I’ve started my blog for friends, family and even for people whom I may never meet, to read. I’ve woven words into my art, and started to write the book that has been floating around in my head for several years.  

It’s my birthday again, today.   Another year of my life will be revealed. 

My big wish for this year is to…

…  rewrite my story by simply releasing outdated and self-limiting patterns and beliefs that no longer serve me.

…  shift my negative beliefs into positive ones; swim out of the shallow, mucky, waters, navigate past the waves of fear and self-doubt, and go deep into the clear sparkles of my authentic self.

…  excavate myself out from being stuck in the observer and judgment mode, take action, and morph into the role of an active participant.

And then, just then, I can unleash myself from whatever inhibits me and soar towards my greatness, towards my light, towards my brilliance. 

My wish is to be as brave as I can be, so that I can soar higher than I’ve ever soared before.


  1. Happy birthday love to a beautiful soul
    whose shared words are courage and light
    to this faraway grateful heart!
    May this year be one of the most amazing
    creative release of your muchness!
    Wishing you a light heart and fresh wings,
    Eager for more of your writing,

  2. Happy Birthday, Eydie! I'm so thrilled that you shared this beautiful post, what a wonderful gift that your husband gave to you. Wishing you all that your heart desires and more!

  3. Oh.....I feel so moved by your post...and even more delighted to let you know that you are one of the winners of my print give away :) It seems MORE than apt to say that the print of "release the doubts...its time to fly" will make its way to you as soon as you send me your address :) I hope you are having a simply WONDER-full birthday. Biggest of hugs to you XX Jenny
    Oh and my email address is

  4. Eydie!
    Wow this post was wonderful, I loved it. Thank you for your written words. You commented and visited my blog and I thank you for that, your comment absolutely touched my heart and I came to visit yours! I am a follower now! I send you blessings and heartfelt thoughts! Your blog is beautiful.
    Donna Wynn

  5. What a wonderful gift and experience in Big Sur! I think it is so interesting/ironic that you've lacked confidence in your writing, because each time I've found myself on your blog, I've thought to myself, this woman is blessed with an extraordinary ability to express herself using the written word; her honesty and "realness" is palpable in every line!

    I'm so glad to hear that you overcame your initial misgivings and anxieties to pursue your dreams...and I hope that all of the compliments here convince you that they've come true!

  6. Belated birthday wishes! What an incredible gift! Did you hear my jaw drop? And yes - fly, fly fly as high as your heart will expand ... I am too busy envisioning the world you share through your words to notice commas, dots or dashes ...

    And drooling over the amazing images of Easlen ... I hope to make it there one day ... Kripalu back East is my retreat sanctuary.

    xo Lis

  7. Oh! Eydie! How did I miss this post??? My heart sunk a bit when I noticed it was your b-day and I had missed it...but I'm here now with so much love in my heart, just adoring you and this beautiful journey you are on.

    I have so so much more I want to write but need to go pick my little one up from school.

    Gosh...these photos are absolutely gorgeous--I love that area so much. What a gift your husband gave you...deep sighs from deep inside me. So so sweet & precious.

    You are so brave, dear friend. You are a beautiful writer--your soul just shines.

    Sending so much love your way and big, belated happy birthday wishes.

    ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

  8. Happy Birthday Eydie! BIg Sur awakens me with wonder, possibilities and enchantment. What an extraordinary gift you were given. I've been curious about attending a Esalen workshop and I'm glad to know yours was such a wonderful experience. A multitude of blessings to you!

  9. OH EYDIE!!!

    Oh my goodness, how have I never come across your writing before? How have I never come across YOU before?! And yet there I was, on Alia's blog, and I saw my name under the Sheroes post about Julia Feh.

    I popped over here to take a look and lo and behold, there's a post about Esalen. Esalen! I love that place! It is my spiritual haven. Incredible.

    Really excited about connecting with you further - I can't get the words out quick enough!

    Much love,

  10. Hello Eydie,

    You've captured the spirit of Esalen in this delightful entry (from an avid Big Sur fan). Hope your book is thriving and growing--and that you are making friends with "what's in between the words" since if we look far enuf its all just SPACE!

    I found my way here via a comment you left on my blog. What a thrill to find you had 'visited' my little pink house on my 'island' getaway. I hope you will come back often! You re the very first person I didn't already know to drop by. What a joy and what an honor!

    Truly, a kindred spirit,
    Stephanie Laura


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